Being in the box of Self Deception

Response Paper #4: Respond to your readings of Leadership and Self Deception

            The leadership and self-deception book was very interesting to read because it showed how easy it was to get into the box of self-deception and the detrimental effects that can result from being in the box. At first I was reading the book with no thought for personal application but once common examples were given I started to realize how the lessons taught could help me. It’s interesting that basically the only way to get out of the box doesn’t include trying to change yourself or others instead its feeling differently and not being critical towards others. I did notice after reading this book that although I thought I was nearly always out of the box that there are small things I do to shift blame to other people which is something I need to work on. I need to make sure that I don’t do to betray myself in the sense of not doing things I should for others. This book did teach me a lot about them importance of making sure to stay out of the box so that I don’t risk pushing others away around me.

            I feel like sometimes I’m given some good advice that I don’t listen to because I become prideful and am in the box toward the other person. Most of the guys I have dated all have hinted in some way or another that they don’t feel they get enough reaction out of me. In forms such as I don’t make moves so they don’t feel wanted, that I’m really into them one second and the next they feel like I don’t care, and that because I don’t respond very clearly they don’t know how I feel. Such as when this guy I had really liked held my hand, I was completely excited and was of course not letting go, but later he basically ended it with me and added that when he held my hand he had no idea how I was feeling. So this was a good point because I really did protect myself by not showing how happy I was. 

             This was because I was afraid of getting hurt. So when he mentioned that I didn’t let him know how I was feeling and validate his feelings I was extremely hurt. So I became defensive. Before I became defensive I felt that he was right and I should admit that. Because I should be more trusting and I should let a guy feel secure when with me. But instead I betrayed myself and decided to accuse him of judging me too quickly. I not only felt justified for being a fun, caring, nice, sweet, funny, spiritual girl but I told him so as well. Now this was a very in the box move. I was completely broken hearted and angry at him. I knew that I needed to be more trusting but I got mad at him instead of trying to fix the problem for the future. If I had been out of the box I still would have been hurt but I could have taken his constructive criticism and learned from it. It's interesting because I always hold back when I'm with someone to protect myself from being hurt. In that situation because I held back to save myself from being hurt I may have encouraged him to end it with me. I hope that I can not only work to stay out of the box by listening to advice and criticism but by in the beginning being more open about my feelings and not be so concerned with protecting myself.