Missing class

Just as a forewarning I love my life and really am grateful for all my blessing but even the most happy carefree person has tough days that challenge their confidence, happiness and sometimes their faith. The title for this specific blog was difficult to settle on, I nearly gave in and named in "the untitled day" figuring that the more vague the title the less chance of being read. Anyways for the most part I feel like I am relatively good at finding the positive aspects in my day, and for today I am still grateful for my family's health. There are of course millions of other little miracles that occur throughout every single day such as the cold weather. That blessing in my life may come as a shock to most people but I do have reasoning for this. 

Today was a ponytail day, for those of you who aren't aware of my day to day hairstyle I will let you in on a random fact about myself. I hardly ever wear ponytails, this is because my confidence in my self and my self image falters when i wear ponytails. I pull my hair up and I'm uncertain. A reason for this may be the fact that my brothers both have told me that it is more attractive when a girl wears her hair down. Regardless of this weakness I do of course still wear ponytails for occasions such as athletic outdoor activities such as tennis. But another reason I would wear a ponytail is when I don't want to be seen, yes, I feel I am noticed a lot more when my hair is down. Anyways today was a ponytail day.

I just thought of an analogy for my experience today. So you have been given a cookie, but it has been sitting out all night and is therefore cold and hard. So naturally you want to reheat it, even after trying to be satisfied with the taste of the cold cookie. So you stick it in the microwave for 30 seconds, then change it to 20 seconds in hopes that your decision will prevent the cookie from over heating. You wait the 20 seconds and then pull the cookies out, excited to eat them. But sadly in the process your fingers get burnt. And its painful. In my experience I of course am in pain and regret getting my fingers burnt, no matter how much you are grateful for your eyes that still see and your ears that can hear, your fingers still sting. 

I honestly try so hard to be thankful for each and every day because each day really is a gift but its hard when something semi-sad happens and you I feel overwhelmed regardless of how hard I try not to care or how much I insist that I am grateful for other occurances in the day.

To cut all the vague details short I will plainly say why I have felt this way today. It really doesn't seem like a big deal but it feels like one to me. So I missed another class. Key word Another. Erg. It really just frustrates and overwhelms me. I try so hard. I did the homework two nights before. But yet I still miss the class. It was a complete mistake. Yesterday I missed my math class because I thought it started at 3:15. So at 2:50 I walk up there with plenty of time to spare (in my mind) and I start seeing people walking away from the building. Who are in my class. At first I figure they are just going to come back in a minute. Then I pass this guy Matt in my class who bluntly stated "you missed class" so of course I am in denial, I can't believe it. I have never missed a class before not even in high school. But once he continues to persist (I in horror) start believing. I am lost as to what to do. So in uncertainty I continue toward the class, the long walk home feeling a little daunting and feeling in ignorance that somehow if I can just talk to the teacher that she will understand and that she will work with me to figure it out. I continued going about 12 feet or so when I see this guy in my ward. I will leave out his name just in case. Anyways so, even though I feel distraught, for some reason seeing him was just kind of a relief and momentarily I was able to not feel so bad about missing class. He asked if I missed class and I admitted that I had, so I decided to just walk back down with him since it'd be loads better than walking alone. So I walked down with him explaining how I missed class and teasing that this guy in my class should have called, even though he didn't have my number and I kidded that the guy should have taken the opportunity to ask me for my number. So I felt like I was teasing to get a reaction out of him of some sort, and I don't know how it worked but he asked me what I was doing on Friday. So Boo Ya I am now going rock climbing with him. And he asked for my number. So although I was majorly bummed at myself for missing a class I kinda talked myself into agreeing that being asked out evened out my day's luck. And I ignorantly convinced myself that I would never ever miss a class again and that it'd all be okay. Then! Today! I missed my education class! Augh!! (to be continued I need to go to Another class). So it's a blessing that I didn't miss all of them today....But man its just so hard.